At age 5, you're the center of everyone's world. You're the sweetest, the cutest, the bravest, and most importantly, the smartest. Everyone wants to please you because when you smile, they melt.
At age 12, you're body is changing and you have no idea what's going on. You do stupid things to yourself just because everyone else is and you have absolutely no confidence.
At age 16, you fight your parents because at the moment, they are your worst enemy. You hate them for not understanding and for not noticing the signals you have send to them telling them that you actually really need help.
At age 19. Since you were the star-child of the family, everyone expects you to be the best, to be better than anyone else. But then you may have made a bad decision and you let them down. Then everyone is disappointed, not just your parents.. everyone. You feel like a failure.
But you get to college, and all these problems are on a temp hold. You find your niche and you finally feel like you've accomplish something.
At age 20, you feel invincible, the world is yours. You're on top of your game because every member of greek life knows your name. You drink until you're belligerent then you wind up in a bed only to wake up the next morning to tell yourself: I'm never drinking again. But then after a few sandwiches and fries, and 10pm comes along, you're once again invincible.
At age 22, you're feeling on top of the world. You're graduating, starting a life of your own with the confidence of an alpha-male.
At 24, after two years of realizing, you're just really not that amazing, but rather a part of a pool of alpha males battling out for the top. You learn to step back and give eachother room to grow, in order to survive in this society. When you realize you're not the top-shit anymore, you confidence drops, wondering where did it all go wrong. So you look deeper inside you, relating all the problems with childhood drama. From the self-inflicted pain since pre-teens to being moved from place to place, you get too wrapped up in your own difficulties resulted from parents who just didn't know how to deal with a child growing up in a different culture from they grew up in. You find that correlation and use that excuse and blame people around you for how you've become. You've become distracted, less-motivated, lost and mostly confused.
You begin looking for something or someone to make you feel like you're on top of the world again. You push people, you break them just to see if they can handle you. You will only feel safe if you've put them through hell and they are still there. Because you know then, unlike the people that came and went in your life previously, these people will always be there to hold your hand through the dark. However, the these people have a complicated history too. They might see you as a problem to their growth and hence let go.
Where are you now? Still with the pride, the self-inflicted risks, the confusion, the distraction, and the feeling of failure? Pushing people away because you're afraid of disappointing them, or because you're so involved with your own drama that you just dont have the time for others. You try to help them with their issues and are often thanked for your creative words and heart-warming hugs. But then you expect the same back, only to find that not everyone knows how to deal with problematic kids. And you're alone again, trying to change.
At age 12, you're body is changing and you have no idea what's going on. You do stupid things to yourself just because everyone else is and you have absolutely no confidence.
At age 16, you fight your parents because at the moment, they are your worst enemy. You hate them for not understanding and for not noticing the signals you have send to them telling them that you actually really need help.
At age 19. Since you were the star-child of the family, everyone expects you to be the best, to be better than anyone else. But then you may have made a bad decision and you let them down. Then everyone is disappointed, not just your parents.. everyone. You feel like a failure.
But you get to college, and all these problems are on a temp hold. You find your niche and you finally feel like you've accomplish something.
At age 20, you feel invincible, the world is yours. You're on top of your game because every member of greek life knows your name. You drink until you're belligerent then you wind up in a bed only to wake up the next morning to tell yourself: I'm never drinking again. But then after a few sandwiches and fries, and 10pm comes along, you're once again invincible.
At age 22, you're feeling on top of the world. You're graduating, starting a life of your own with the confidence of an alpha-male.
At 24, after two years of realizing, you're just really not that amazing, but rather a part of a pool of alpha males battling out for the top. You learn to step back and give eachother room to grow, in order to survive in this society. When you realize you're not the top-shit anymore, you confidence drops, wondering where did it all go wrong. So you look deeper inside you, relating all the problems with childhood drama. From the self-inflicted pain since pre-teens to being moved from place to place, you get too wrapped up in your own difficulties resulted from parents who just didn't know how to deal with a child growing up in a different culture from they grew up in. You find that correlation and use that excuse and blame people around you for how you've become. You've become distracted, less-motivated, lost and mostly confused.
You begin looking for something or someone to make you feel like you're on top of the world again. You push people, you break them just to see if they can handle you. You will only feel safe if you've put them through hell and they are still there. Because you know then, unlike the people that came and went in your life previously, these people will always be there to hold your hand through the dark. However, the these people have a complicated history too. They might see you as a problem to their growth and hence let go.
Where are you now? Still with the pride, the self-inflicted risks, the confusion, the distraction, and the feeling of failure? Pushing people away because you're afraid of disappointing them, or because you're so involved with your own drama that you just dont have the time for others. You try to help them with their issues and are often thanked for your creative words and heart-warming hugs. But then you expect the same back, only to find that not everyone knows how to deal with problematic kids. And you're alone again, trying to change.
