Once Upon a Time, I knew a guy that would say to me, You get mad at me all the time... Scratch that.. I think I knew about 10 guys like that... So Who's the root of all evil?! --> insert answer
You know how when things really bother you at the the moment it happens... make you so angry and bitter at the world and the people around you... seem/feel so small the minute it passes? It tends to happen a lot more to those people who are considered "emotional".
Fact: I am emotional.
If you have asked anyone around me, and anyone that knows me well enough, I am just a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute I can be running around union square because I just saw the newest Harry Potter Trailer (.. now no more.. :-(... ) and then some random guy comes and pisses me off, I'll sit on those steps and ponder...and ponder... and wonder some more.. what a douche that person is....TOTAL MOOD KILLER.
Annddd All I want is the person closest to me at the moment to make me feel better... Is that selfish? Maybe.. if it's at the expense of their time, their happiness, their money, their capability to handle pressure.... then maybe.. actually.. yes I am.
Mom said I can be the most giving person, the most understanding person in the world when it comes to everything BUT emotions... With that, I am like Gollem... Just wanting it the way I want it... My precious.
and 'Sorry' can only go so far. Honestly.. when I say it with a gentle voice (yes im gay..) I mean it x 1000000000^infinity. Trust me, making someone feel bad actually makes me feel so much worse... oh so much worse... And then I'll sit there thinking how I screwed it up so badly.. How can I say those things.. How can I be so inconsiderate... Gosh Why Am I such a horrible person?
Obviously over-thinking really does no good, it can actually make things worse, especially if they are still near you. My new tactic is to just walk away and then deal with it when everything cools down. But I can't seem to master that skill by doing it 'swiftly'. Which in turn pisses off everyone... FAIL is my life.
What can I do?
Now that I'm back to my normal state of mind after an emotionally unstable two weeks.. let me sort my issues out. (please...if you would like to add)
1) Stop being Emotionally Selfish.. I know how.. but honest HOW.. I dont know.. How can i guarantee it?? to be determined.....
2) Find back the confidence I left in the Huangpu River.. GO FOr it.. tAKE A leap of Faith!
3) &*^!(*@&^#(!@&^$!(&@^#(!@&#
4) Grow the fuck up... (this might take a while...)
5) take care of myself (physically)
6) APOLOGIZE- Sorry, désolé, 御免なさい, Lo siento, het spijt me, Assif, Mi dispiace, 对不起... in whatever language they can understand... Even though sometimes it's not ur fault... For peace.. always apologize.
Anyways.. just be Happy and Smile.. a Smile can go a long way..
cause there will always be people that will always love you for who you are
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